a matter of time
by ShadedEclipse
Summary: The first time she dies, Sayuri is 15 and staring up at a pair of snake eyes. She's scared. Which she thinks is understandable, considering the fact that the snake man has done something to her- though, she's not sure what. She simply cannot comprehend or fathom the importance of the symbols drawn out on her body or their glowing hands / aka OC civilian sick of ninja timeloop bs
1. prologue

_prologue_.

* * *

The first time she dies, Sayuri is fifteen and staring up at a pair of snake eyes.

She's scared. Which she thinks is understandable, considering the fact that this man has done something to her- though, she's not sure what he has done. She merely cannot comprehend or fathom the importance of the symbols drawn out on her body or their glowing hands.

Sayuri is a simple girl. This is something she has accepted and understands all too well. (Especially in the midst of the snake man and boy. Their ridicule and scorn at her ignorance is nearly palpable.) Ninja and their world had been a foreign concept to her, something she heard in passing but had never experienced first hand. The ninja didn't often visit her small and isolated farming village, not unless they were experiencing a drought or were in desperate need. Otherwise, the village had little else to do with the outside world. Of course, she had heard of The World Wars in history class (before she left to help her father's farm, that is) had been raised to think that the ninja were there to protect her.

 _This_ , the ninja and their glowing hands and hidden agendas, are completely out of her realm of understanding. She doesn't think she could ever understand _this_ in her lifetime.

But, while Sayuri has no chance in understanding the ninja or their ways- there is something that she is absolutely certain of. This man- the snake man- has done something terrible to her. The symbols itch at her skin, and there is a dark and foreboding feeling in her chest.

( Apparently this isn't the first time she has met the snake man, if the smiling snake boy with glowing hands can be trusted. She thinks yes, because his smile is kind and he has done nothing but take care of her. A part of her _wants_ to trust him. The snake man's hideout has been nothing but pain, and the smiling boy has been the only glimpse of light and kindness in this place. But anyone affiliated with the snake man cannot be trusted. Sayuri may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but _this_ she knows. )

She is dying. She knows that too, and doesn't need the snake man's thinly veiled annoyance and dismissive look to tell her so. Sayuri can _feel_ her life slipping out of her grasp. Her only solstice is that at least she's not in pain anymore. She cannot remember how long she has been cooped up in this building, the days and nights and months slipping by without her awareness. The pain had made it more difficult to simply float through time, but she had learnt to separate from herself.

Sayuri is okay with dying now. She'll be away from the pain and the snake man.

"Failure." is the last thing she hears from the man with snake eyes, before the world around her fades away.

.

.

.

The second time she dies, Sayuri is twelve and she's laying in a medical chair not unlike the one she last died in.

( Of course the moment she had woken up at 7 years old she had assumed the whole ordeal had been a dream. A terrible, terrible dream. Never mind the fact that most seven year olds wouldn't dream about kidnapping, death and complicated ninja things. Least of all Sayuri of all people. Never mind the fact that Sayuri began to predict events like the earthquake that caught the village by surprise, and the death of dear old nan. But it was just so easy to shrug it off when she was surrounded by her family and cozy little village.

It was also an experience that was quite hard to believe. She was Sato Sayuri, and things like that could never happen to someone like her. It was a miracle in itself that she even had the imagination to conjure up such a wild and extraordinary tale.

She stays in denial for her whole life, or at least until shes kidnapped by the snake man. Again. )

Sayuri isn't quite sure what she had said that offended the woman so much this time around. But apparently she wants Sayuri dead because of it. To this day she still cannot comprehend ninja.

In all honesty her death is quite anticlimactic compared to the pain and suffering of her last life, but a death is a death nonetheless. A quick slice across her throat, and the girl is gagging on her own blood. Once again Sayuri opens her arms to death's embrace, because although she hadn't spent as much time in the hideout with the snake man this time around, it was still quite a terrible experience.

As she starts to fade away she can hear the snake boy scolding the woman. He doesn't sound too upset about her death, though.

.

.

.

It takes six deaths for Sayuri to come to terms with her... unique condition.

Every time she dies she winds up back at age seven, waking up to the birds chirping outside and the sun shining through the crack in her curtains. It's an oddly peaceful moment to wake up to, especially after a brutal death. It's always difficult for her to acknowledge that her future is only filled with suffering and experiments. Her home felt.. safe. It's _easy_ to overlook the future, when the present was so nice and pleasant. Everything else felt so far away and surreal.

After six deaths she's still not sure why this has happened to her. Why _he_ chose her.

But she _has_ figured out that the snake man is the reason behind her "condition", with his symbols and glowing hands. She _has_ found out that the reason why she reverts back to age seven is because that moment was _right after_ she had first met the snake man. ( Though she doesn't remember such an occurrence happening, the snake boy assured her that this was the case. ) When she reverts back she adapts the mental age of her past life, however it is very easy to succumb to the seven year old mentality.

Her story goes like this:

Sayuri is seven years old when she wakes up one morning, completely unaware and oblivious to the modifications that have been made to her body. They are slight and subtle, so no one really notices too much. Not enough to make a fuss about it, at least. Aside from her mother's scolding and brother's teasing, the fact that she had disappeared for a few days is not made a big deal of. Sayuri smiles and pretends she's not confused because she is quite certain that she came home last night just like she was supposed to, but doesn't push the subject because breakfast is served.

Later, she will go to the tiny school situated in the tiny village to learn about things that she doesn't truly care about -that none of the villager children will truly care about. They all know that they will be pulled out of school eventually, and true to form at age ten Sayuri drops out of her classes so she can help her father on the farm. Her father and brother need all the help they can get, and Sayuri quickly adapts to the lifestyle. It doesn't take too long before her skin tans, muscles define, and fingers and palms become calloused. While her mother bemoans the loss of her delicacy, the girl quite likes the roughness.

Nobody mentions that Sayuri is, perhaps, a tad bit too strong for a girl her size and age. Or, at least, they don't mention it to the family. While the villagers are willing to turn a blind eye to the few eccentricities in the village, they do love to gossip. She is a distant relative to one of the ninja clans, they whisper, and like to ponder the possibilities. Most of the gossip is merely for amusement, and none of the villagers particularly care about it.

At age twelve she will be kidnapped (once again) by the snake man's ninja men. It is quiet and during the night she'll be extracted from her home without a sound.

What happens next differs from life to life. She is always taken to the horrible prison where she is strapped to a medical chair and forced to spend her days in a cell. She is always experimented on, though the severity differs depending on how obedient and submissive she is. In some lives she dies within a few months in this building, and in some she spends years.

Though it isn't until her seventh life that she survives past fifteen.

.

.

.

The seventh time she dies, Sayuri is (merely) sixteen and she's bleeding out on her medical chair (once again.)

She made a mistake. She made a very, very grave mistake indeed. This was by far the worst life she had lived so far, all because she _broke_ and succumbed to the pressure.

The world had never seemed so bleak to her. She knew that when she died she would return to seven years old and nothing enticed her less than that. Sayuri was tired. She was in pain and whatever the snake man was trying to do was failing quite fantastically. The thought of dying and reliving was heart dropping. She didn't want to go through this again, she didn't want to die only to be destined to suffer at the hands of the snake man and his ninja over and over again. She wondered what the gods wanted from her, why they were allowing such an atrocity to happen under their noses. Did they even care?

Sayuri is sick, tired, and half delirious when she _confesses_ to the snake boy.

His smiles are sickly sweet, she _knows_ , but she makes the mistake in trusting him while he's slicking back her hair after a particularly grueling session. She wants this to be over, she wants it all to end. So she confesses, tells him about how she dies and goes back to age seven. Once she starts, the words pour out of her mouth without stop and soon enough she is sobbing. She wants comfort and she wants salvation, so she hopes that the boy can aid her.

The snake boy merely smiles, pats her head ( _like a good dog_ ) and leaves her alone. She finds peace in this action, and hopes that they will help her, that they will undo whatever they have done to her.

It's in her seventh life that Sayuri _truly_ comes to terms with how naive she is.

The moment the snake man arrives with his gleaming little snake eyes, she realizes that she has made a very terrible mistake. His actions afterwards only further drive the point across, and she loses count how many times the snake man examines all of her files and the symbols that have long since been carved onto her body. Sayuri spends many, many hours on the medical table after that and spends most of her time in pain.

She learns from this experience. She learns that she cannot be so easy to trust people. She _truly_ learns that she is just a naive and simple farm girl, something she thought she already knew but never actually _believed_ until that moment. Six lives too late it dawns upon her, these men don't care for her. She knew that, _of course_ she knew that. She knew full well of their ridicule and their scorn, the disgust in their eyes at her normalcy and ignorance in the world. But it finally sinks in that they only see her as cattle for their heinous experiments- an object, a possession. Six lives too late she realizes that _they_ sicken _her_ , that she is broken and beaten, that she is resentful to herself because she _could have done something to avoid this_. She had sat aside, knowing _full well_ what would happen to her by playing the happy farm girl until she was twelve and kidnapped.

This man has no intention on helping her or fixing his atrocities, she acknowledges quickly enough.

It takes awhile, but the first opportunity she gets Sayuri slits her own throat without much internal conflict. She only wishes she could have done it sooner.

.

.

.

After her seventh death, Sayuri makes a point to try things differently in every life.

In many lives she tries to run away. At age ten, at age seven, at age twelve. Constantly trying out new ways, attempting to figure out a _safe path_. Sometimes she goes further into the Land of Fire, sometimes she ventures into the Land of Rivers. One time she explores across the sea to the Land of Water, but she very quickly regrets this decision.

In nearly every life she finds herself back at the snake man's hideout. In that sense, Sayuri usually dies there. ( However, after life number seven she isn't hesitant to take her own life anymore. Going back to Point Zero is better than needlessly suffering at the hands of the snake man. )

She doesn't always die there, though. One time she dies of sickness in her home village, and in another life she dies in a fire while travelling. She dies while drowning, once, and after that she can't quite look at large bodies of water the same way.

Most of the time she dies in her early to mid teens, however she managed to survive until age twenty once. It had been her best life, though the world around her had succumb to a war that had quickly fizzled out. Sayuri listened about the events from a safe distance, and took every chance she got to speak with ninja passing through the town she worked at. Their arrogance made it easy to extract information, especially when alcohol was included. She was merely a civilian, and there were a handful of ninja that wanted to boast about their accomplishments. (There were more ninja that were tight lipped about it, however.) She was curious about the war, but mainly she wanted the information in case she died again.

( She did, but this time to bandits raiding the inn she worked at. )

.

.

.

Sayuri realizes, throughout her many lives, that _dying_ itself is rather easy.

Surviving, however, is much much harder.

.

.

.

Sayuri has lost count how many times she has died when she _finally_ gets fed up with running away and wallowing in her own weakness. If she were to make a guess, she'd say around twenty-five times.

Twenty-four lives too many, if you were to ask Sayuri's opinion.

It's when she's laying in a pool of her own blood on the floor of the inn where she _finally_ decides that enough is enough. Sayuri is _finished_ with being the simple-minded, naive farm girl. She played her part. Fantastically, in fact. She should get a goddamn _award_ for it. For most of her lives she had been docile and harmless, just how the world expected her to. However, _now_ she finds herself at wits end. There is only so much she can take before she feels as though she needs to take the bull by the horns and change her own goddamn life.

She has experienced things that she would bet even most ninja and samurai have not gone through. If sweet, innocent little Sayuri can persevere through the hardships of her past lives, then she sure as hell can take the meager amount of strength she has and form it into something she can actually fight with. She's beaten and battered, and she doubts that the traumas of her past lives will ever fade away. But if she doesn't do _something_ then she can only assume that she will be stuck in the loop forever. If her past lives had taught her anything, it's this: if she continues to stand by idly and take the punches, she's not going to find the solution to her situation. She has to take the initiative, for once.

It is this thought that prompts her to slam her hands on the dinning room table when she is seven again and at Point Zero, blurting out "I want to be a ninja."

( Of course, her family chokes comically on their breakfast at her sudden declaration. )

* * *

 **you've met with a terrible fate, haven't you?**


	2. i) the beginning

i. the beginning.

* * *

"I want to be a ninja."

The reaction is immediate. Her father chokes of his breakfast. The bowl in her mother's hands slips to the table with a _clank_ as she stares at Sayuri with blank eyes. Her brother spits out his drink in what she thinks is frankly a bit over dramatic. There is a moment of silence where all three of them look between each other before their gazes fall upon her, but she stands her ground. She knew that they would be conflicted and confused in regards to her declaration. Born and raised on a farm, it did seem quite out of the ordinary for someone like her to aspire to be something like _them_. Sayuri stares back at them with a fire in her eyes, the minor setback of her status and upbringing will not deter her from accomplishing her goals.

 _She'll make sure the snake man will regret the day that he placed the odd symbols on her._

Suddenly, the silence breaks as her brother starts laughing. His face contorts into a humourous expression as he chokes out, "S-She wants to be a-a ninja!" He practically collapses to the table in laughter, banging his hand against the wood. "You hear that Pa? A.. _ninja!_ " His voice cracks at the last word, though if it is from his laughter or due to puberty is up in the air.

His amusement is dutifully noted by Sayuri, but it's not entirely welcomed. She can understand why he finds it hilarious, but she thinks that he's being melodramatic. Yesterday she was a twenty something year old woman, and now she's stuck at seven again... The blatant disrespect in his actions are quite vexing, though not all together too surprising considering his character. It'll take a few days to get rid of the dysphoria caused by the shift of going from an adult to seven years old, as well as being treated like a child once more. It's not exactly something she is looking forward to, but it makes the transition between loops much easier if she just accepts that she is a child again.

Her father also finds the prospect of her wanting to be a ninja funny, if his stifled laugh turned into a cough says anything. "A ninja, you say?" He says rhetorically, voice gruff. She gets the impression that he is merely humoring her, and isn't taking her seriously. Understandable, considering the fact that she is seven. Seven year olds often have outlandish thoughts and dreams, and change their minds quite frequently.

Her parents exchange looks, and Sayuri notes that her mother looks quite worried. She's the only one taking Sayuri seriously, then. Either that or she is questioning the sudden decision and is worried about how it happened. Which is also completely understandable, since to them Sayuri had disappeared for a few days and now "suddenly" wants to become a ninja. She's used to the narrative, so she knows that her mother will scold her later for the disappearance.

"Yes. A ninja." Sayuri says as she crawls up onto her chair, ignoring the fact that her brother is still giggling into his arm.

"Honey..." Her mother starts, before looking at her brother with a sharp sigh, "That's enough out of you, Satoru."

Her brother makes a small dying noise as he burrows his head deeper into his arm, but quiets as instructed. Sayuri can still see his shoulders shaking, though. His silence isn't very convincing, if their mother's facial expression says anything.

Their parents exchange another look, before her mother starts speaking again with a gentle tone. "Sayuri.. That's.. not possible."

"Why not?" She questions with a blunt tone.

Her mother struggles with her words for a moment, "I.. It's just- we are farmers. Not ninja. We are ment to tend to the crops and animals. Ninja breed ninja, and farmers breed farmers. It's as simple as that."

To Sayuri, it sounds like her mother is trying to let her down easy without actually saying that she won't be accepted since she is a civilian-farmer non affiliated with the ninja of their country. The internalized classism is quite obvious now that she looks at her family, all believing that she can't become a ninja due to their heritage and echelon. Sayuri was like that once, too. She had thought herself inferior and simple in comparison to the ninja and their complexities. It has taken many lives and many struggles for her to overcome this mentality, and secretly Sayuri believes that it still lingers. But she is determined to change things, to save herself from the loop that the snake man has forced on her. She won't let this mentality and social divide set her back from survival.

"You don't know unless you try." Sayuri chirps, sliding her breakfast closer.

She lets the conversation drop, intending on bringing it up again later.

.

.

.

And she does.

Again and again.

.

.

.

It takes two weeks before she sees the crack in her parents resolve. Two weeks of constantly badgering her parents about becoming a ninja, two weeks of subtle and blunt maneuvers to convince them to help her. Two weeks of her parents pushing off or ignoring her request. Two weeks of being treated like the laughingstock. Her brother got sick of the "joke" over a week ago, but Sayuri doesn't care. She's serious about this and his feelings aren't particularly important to her right now. What's important is that in four years the snake man is going to come and find her, and her only hope is to become a badass ninja.

In all honesty, two weeks after the first conversation she began contemplating the pros and cons of giving up; she doesn't necessarily _need_ her parents help. Sayuri has gone out in the world by herself before. (Albeit she has yet to survive any of these expeditions...) And she has half the mind to leave the village and try to join the ninja herself. She doubts that her parents will even be able to help much, anyway. But the pestering will be worth it even if it's just financial aid, or getting her a ride to the ninja village. Plus, some part of her _wants_ her parents approval, even if she knows full well that she could leave on her own.

To her surprise, however, she overhears her parents talking in the kitchen in the middle of the night. Sayuri is immediately suspicious; her parents hardly ever stay up late, since they have to tend to the farm and the animals once the sun rises. Early to rise and early to bed, that's their family motto. Not only that, but they are speaking in low voices. She can't help but wonder what they are whispering about, so she tiptoes her way closer in an effort to remain inconspicuous.

"-do you think it's the right thing to do?" Her mother asks, and there's an obvious weariness to her voice.

"She won't stop otherwise," her father says gruffly in response. "you know how she's like."

Her mother heaves a sigh, and Sayuri can hear a slight tapping."You're right." After a moment of silence she speaks up once more, a slight desperation to her tone. Mother is obviously worried about something. "But, what about-"

"It'll be fine. We'll be fine."

The conversation itself is rather uninformative, short and vague. Silence settles over the house after her father's assurance.

Out of curiosity Sayuri risks a peek into the kitchen, and she sees that her parents have pulled each other into an embrace. It's an odd sight, as they aren't particularly affectionate in public. ( If their own home and in front of their own children could be considered 'public.' ) They look so vulnerable. Her mother's hair is down from it's typical bun and she's leaning against her husband, who is softly rocking her. She thinks that it's too personal of a moment to intrude upon, so Sayuri leaves. Finding out what they have in store for her doesn't seem worth it, in that moment.

However the next morning her mother speaks to her once the rest of their family are out of the house. She's washing the dishes from breakfast, and doesn't turn to look at Sayuri throughout the whole conversation.

"So, you're determined to become a ninja."

She says it like a statement, not a question. Sayuri nods, but remembers that her mother's back is turned. "Yes." She says, hoping that the fire and determination that has lit in her gut is present in her tone.

Her mother sighs again. She has been doing that a lot lately, sighing, and Sayuri is under no delusion that it isn't because of her. While joining the ninja ranks might be sad and difficult for her parents to accept and understand, she thinks that the sadness they will feel when she winds up missing or dead would be much worse. Ultimately, her decision is based off of selfish desires for survival, but Sayuri _has_ put her family into account.

( They'd be better off without her, anyway. Safer. )

"I see." The words sound thick, and her mother sharply inhales before whipping her hands on her apron. "In that case. I will send a message off to Konohagakure, we have family there."

Sayuri blinks, "We do?"

"Distantly." Her mother confirms, though it sounds a bit bitter. She starts cleaning a pot, but the motions are a tad aggressive. "Whether they respond, and whether they accept you is another matter. Even if you are, there is no guarantees that you will join their ranks. That they will _want_ you in their ranks." She finishes with the pot and puts it aside to dry, before leaning over the sink with her hands on the counter. "But I will send them a message."

There is a moment of silence where Sayuri just _stares_ at her mothers back, surprised and stunned. "I-" She starts, before standing up from the table and rushing out, "- thank you so much I-"

"Fix the weeds in the garden before you go to school. I'm going to milk the cows." Her mother cuts her off suddenly, and then is gone before either of them can say another word.

Sayuri is torn between feeling ecstatic and empty. She had gotten her way, but for some reason it doesn't feel as satisfying as it should. Probably because in the few seconds that her face was visible, her mother looked close to tears as she left.

She tells herself not to feel guilty. It's for the best.

.

.

.

Two months pass without any notification.

She ponders the likelihood that her mother never sent the letter, but after a thorough investigation she finds out that it had.

During the two months off time Sayuri dedicates her time and energy towards helping her father's farm. She knows that her parents don't believe that she'll get an answer back, or will actually be allowed to become a ninja. Their doubt in her is annoying, but she also knows that it's because of their inferiority complex in regards to ninja. Sayuri and her mother had gotten into quite the spat when the girl had voiced her decision to leave school and focus on the farm. Her father had interfered, not one to allow an opportunity slip pass. Maintaining a farm was a lot of work, was his rational. If their daughter was going to leave school at some point anyway, what's the point of them miss the chance for extra hands?

Considering the fact that Sayuri has lost count how many times she had replayed that year in school, she can't help but agree with her father.

Though, her excuse to her parents is that she wants to spend time with them before she leaves. Which, while not exactly a lie, is not exactly the truth either. Sayuri can write and do mathematics, she knows the basic history of their country.. School would be a waste of time for her, especially at the level that she would be forced into. Additionally, while she doesn't know much about ninja- she does know that they tend to be strong and train a lot to hone their skills and techniques.

Therefore, if she is to become a ninja worth surviving she will have to be strong.

Admittedly, Sayuri is quite ignorant in regards to how to begin training, so she sticks with what she does know; helping on the farm. Even if it only helps her a little, that little bit could go a long way.

Of course, her parents don't stick her with any of the hard labour work. She's merely seven, as well as a female, so her father and brother deal with the more physically straining chores and duties. Mainly she ends up spending a lot of time with the animals and in the garden, though once a week she is tasked to cutting and raking the grass in the front yard while her father and brother do the fields. The routinely and simple labour was kind and familiar, but Sayuri wasn't quite sure if it was up to par with ninja regimen.

Two months of working, two months of waiting, and finally a letter shows up in the mail.

' _Dear, Sato Mitsuri._

 _Thank you for bringing this to our attention. We will gladly take a look at your daughter in hopes that she may become a high standing citizen of Konohagakure. Family is family and it is Konoha's way to respect and protect those who fall under it's umbrella, regardless of past circumstances._

 _A representative of our clan will be sent in approximately two weeks time to evaluate and collect her._

 _Respectfully,_

 _Yamanaka Inocho_ '

In her excitement, she barely reads between the lines and merely sees that a ninja - _a real life (and hopefully not psychopathic) ninja_ \- is coming to see her. Her previous impatience and the sudden arrival blinds her logic as emotion takes over. She doesn't think 'this is too easy' nor does she inspect the letter with a skeptical eye. Nor does she notice that there is little to no mention of her becoming a ninja written on the letter.

Instead she finds herself running into the house with the rest of their mail and exclaims, "Ma! Ma! It came! The letter- they're sending someone to meet with me!"

Her mother is making lunch, and glances at her daughter with an unreadable expression before snatching the letter out of her hand. "Cut the carrots." Her mother demands, and Sayuri happily complies without complaint. She dumps the other letters into a basket on the counter before helping with lunch by cutting the carrots for their stew.

She misses the way her mother's expression darkens as she reads the letter, lips tightening and eyes narrowing.

.

.

.

As instructed in the letter, the ninja arrive two weeks after the letter.

The family is spread out around the farm doing their own respective chores when they show up. Sayuri herself had spent the past hour or two tending to their grown produce; trimming the dead parts, weeding, picking up fallen berries (to feed to their animals), etc etc. It's too early for the harvest, but it's better to keep an eye out on them. Nothing was worse than fall coming around only to find out that your fields have wilted away or have been consumed by the local wildlife.

It's her brother that notifies her of the ninja's arrival, and Sayuri promptly shoves her basket into his arms before sprinting her way to the house.

He yells after her, but she doesn't pay him any attention.

When she enters through the back door she can hear the murmurs of people talking in the house so she quickly toes off her shoes. For a second she hesitates, though the feeling passes quickly. She wouldn't want to keep the ninja waiting, especially since they came all this way to visit _her,_ of all people. Lateness wouldn't give a good first impression, neither would the hesitance. Smoothing out her tunic and patting away the clumps of dirt that cling to her knees, Sayuri takes a deep breath before following the voices into the kitchen.

( As soon as she _sees_ them she freezes at a thought. Ninja. These people are _ninja._ )

"Ah, hello." A blond man with pupilless eyes greets her from the kitchen table, "You must be Sayuri-chan, then?"

Blond hair, pale skin, and pupilless eyes, quite the combination if not for the fact that all three strangers in her kitchen had similar features. They wore their hair in different styles, clothes of different styles, and one was a female.. But ultimately the three looked extremely alike. Her eyes wander from person to person, and wonders if they are related. They look too similar to _not_ be related.

Then again, if these people are the Yamanaka, she is supposedly related to them. Although, her appearance is quite different from theirs.

( She thinks of the snake man. )

"Yep!" She chirps when she remembers that she is supposed to respond, and she hopes it doesn't sound as forced as it feels. "Are you Inocho-san?"

The man laughs, "No- a cousin of his. I'm Yamanaka Inoichi."

( She sees the weapons at his side. )

He - Inoichi - gestures towards the female Yamanaka, "This is Yamanaka Koino" then towards the other male, "and Yamanaka Saiki." Both individuals gave a slight nod to her, which she thought was supposed to be some sort of greeting. Not exactly a good one, in her book, but she would take what she could get. At least they weren't giving her any hostilities.

' _One of these things are not like the other_ ' she thought to herself idly at their names, before giving a small bow and saying "Nice to meet you all."

( None of them look especially glad to be here. Was it because they were just visiting some _farmer_ girl? )

Sayuri gave her mother a quick glance. Her father and brother were not present, presumably still working on their chores. Their presence wouldn't offer much to the conversation, anyway. Her brother specifically would be more of a burden and embarrassment in Sayuri's opinion. She notices that the older woman is watching the interaction silently with a small smile... but there was a certain tightness to it. Not to mention that her hold on her cup of tea left her knuckles white. She wonders if the ninja have noticed. It doesn't give off a friendly impression.

"Well. Let's get to business, shall we?" Inoichi says with a friendly tone, clapping his hands and standing up from his seat. "So your mother tells me you wish to be a ninja?"

( Dangerous, he's dangerous. She thinks of the snake man, of the other ninja she has met. )

"Yep!" Sayuri chirps once more, channeling her seven year old mentality. She strikes a pose a if to show off her arm muscles and says, "I want to be strong enough to protect the people I care about!"

"An admirable goal." Inoichi states amiably, before looking over at Sayuri's mother. "Do you mind, Mitsuri?"

"Go ahead." Her mother replies tightly.

When the ninja man gives her a nod and approaches Sayuri, she nearly has a heart attack. He's tall, she realizes, and remembers the sharp tools at his side. How fast would it take him to reach one of his knives? Probably faster than her eyes could follow. For a moment all she can think about is the snake man and all of his snake ninja. All of _his_ sharp tools and utensils. The pain that _he_ had subjected her to using them. Was it smart of her to become a ninja? She hadn't thought of it before, but all the ninja she had met had hurt her or considered her below them because of her heritage. She just wanted to become stronger, she didn't want to suffer anymore at the hands of the snake man.

But. Inoichi seemed nice.

( So had the snake boy. )

Sayuri stays still as the ninja looms closer, and nearly flinches when he raises his hand. She holds her breath and holds her head high _because even if he kills her she will go back to Point Zero and_ -

Inoichi kneels in front of her and places two fingers on her temple with a smile. "I'm going to ask you a few questions, okay Sayuri-chan?"

She stares at him for a few seconds, and then replies with a nod. After that he begins to list of a series of inquiries. The questions are mostly mundane; What was her childhood like? What was her village like? What does she do on the daily basis? What is her family like? What does she do in her spare time? What does she do for fun? What is her favourite colour/season/food/etc.? Has her parents ever taken her out of the village? What inspires her to be a ninja? Is she serious about becoming a ninja? Etc etc. The questions drone on and on and eventually she loses track of how many there were.

Then, finally, he ends with, "Do you mean any harm to Konohagakure?"

Sayuri, a bit stunned and confused, blurts out "Of course not!" and tilts her head to the side. Why on earth would he think that?

Inoichi stares at her for a moment and then smiles, hand falling away from her head. "Well that is certainly a relief. We wouldn't want our next up-and-coming ninja to terrorize our village, now would we?"

One of the other ninja snorts at that, and Sayuri wonders if Inoichi is mocking her. Just because she is a farmers daughter doesn't mean that they should look down on her for it! Her defensiveness lasts for about three seconds until she catches on to what he said and she momentarily forgets her irritation and confusion as she exclaims, "Wait- does that mean-!"

The ninja ruffles her hair and says, "If your parents give the final approval, then yes. You have passed."

"Woo-hooo!" Sayuri can't help but cheer, arms in the air. She swivels around to look at her mother, who still looks like she has seen a ghost. "So! So! What do you say, Ma? Come on, Inoichi-san said yes!"

Her mother sounds defeated as she says, "If that is what you desire, then you can go."

.

.

.

Sayuri's cheers ring throughout the farm.

.

.

.

The farewell with her family is rather short. Her parents give her a long hug, and her brother mutters that he can't believe that she's actually leaving. Being the spoiled sport that her mother is, she reminds her daughter that just because the Yamanaka have accepted to take her to Konoha doesn't mean she _will_ become a ninja. Despite everything, her family is still hesitant to believe that she can become a ninja. Quite vexing, honestly... But it's a good reminder to have anyway. Although she is one step closer, Sayuri knows that she still has a long way to go.

( _She just doesn't realize how long._ )

Leaving should feel more emotional. Who knew when she would return, or see her family again. However she has left home so many times in previous loops that she can't help but feel... nothing. Perhaps it was the insurance that in the event she died she would see her parents again. That no matter how long she spent away, the moment she dies she'll be back in her room with the bird chirping and the sun shining through her window.

Or perhaps she was just used to leaving.

Sayuri and the ninja walk for a couple hours. She and Inoichi share a light conversation about the ninja village, and she pesters him for tips on how to be a good ninja. Saiki eventually jumped in and the conversation continues until Koino reminds Inoichi that they are on a strict time schedule. After that she is carried on Saiki's back as they ninja-run through the thick forests of the Fire Country, jumping from branch to branch in a way that she has only dreamed of.

She isn't sure if she is exhilarated or terrified over the course of the journey. Probably both.

It isn't until the sun is setting over the horizon that they arrive.

 _Finally_. Konoha.

( The beginning of _everything_. )

* * *

 **with midterms coming up next week i decided to post this while i could; there will be three chapters in this 'arc'. also: for the record, there are _a lot_ of things happening in the background especially in regards to the yamanaka, which will be explored in later chapters. if you ever want to see the status of the next chapter, check out my profile. i intend on updating it every time i sit down to write.**

 **thank you to all who have followed/favourited and reviewed! especially user i30817 who has helped with cementing plans and future plots.**

 **[date: 2017/O1/3O] [word count: 4O52]**


	3. ii) the beginning

ii. the beginning

* * *

Konoha, Sayuri realizes quickly enough, is quite the bustling place.

Hugging her bag to her chest, the girl stares wide eyed as the Yamanaka guide her through the village. They don't speak to her, but she is happy enough to be left alone as she takes in the sights. While Konoha isn't the only large village she has been to, it's definitely quite _different_ than the "normal" villages outside of the ninja world. Not to mention a lot larger than she had initially anticipated. Her eyes can't help but catch onto the ninja gear being sold in booths, the weapons that glint in the sunlight, and the flickering figures running on top of the buildings. It is obviously a ninja village but...

It's quite bizarre to her- she had expected something less... village like, and more like.. a village wide weapons shop with ninja fighting everywhere.

More death and gloom than... _this_.

Her ignorance is showing again. She can acknowledge that she has allowed herself to believe stereotypes over logic, and Sayuri can't help but snort. The curious glance that Saiki throws towards her is ignored as she watches as a couple of kids run past. Again, she thinks it's quite bizarre. They look about her (physical) age, but also look much more carefree than she has felt in a _long_ time. The way that the kids zip through the crowd and the shouts that result from the adults reminds her of any other village she has been in. She envies their carefree attitudes. Sayuri misses the days where she didn't have to worry about a psychopath coming to kidnap her and experiment on the changes he did to her years ago.

Despite the few odd eccentricities, the village really looks like any other. The marketplace itself is very similar to many she has travelled through, though larger and more crammed then one she has been in for a long time. She's curious to explore the village and see what it has to offer, and see if there are any other stark difference and parallels.

It's halfway through the marketplace when Inoichi stops their group with a, "Here we are."

Sayuri looks up at the shop that they have stopped outside of and blinks at the sign. "The Yamanaka sell flowers?" She can't help but blurt out. Ninja and flowers.. Somehow, she can't quite understand the relation between the two. Though, she supposes that anywhere you go you will find those who have an interest in them. Not to mention there would always be a market for them so long as relationships are prevalent. Still, she finds it surprising that the Yamanaka, _a ninja clan,_ are the ones to own a business for them. Sayuri wonders who in the clan has the hobby, and why they thought to make a shop out of it.

"Yes."

"Huh." She says as she watches Koino disappear into the store, "Cool." And then pauses, "Wait, why are we here?"

"This is where we part ways." He informs her, and then gestures towards the other male Yamanaka, "Saiki will escort you to your temporary home."

"Oh, right." She says with a nod.

"If you ever need anything, come here." Inoichi says with a smile, "If not me, then someone of the clan will always be here to help."

"Thanks!" Sayuri chirps back, quietly confused by the abrupt stop.

Secretly, she is quite certain that she won't approach the clan for help. If there is one thing she has learnt from her loops is that trust is not something she can wave around freely, and that if she wants something she has to get it done herself. Sayuri can't rely on the Yamanaka, this is something she knows in her heart. It would be simply asking for trouble, to be used and taken advantage of. Perhaps it was illogical to turn down help, wherever it may come from, but she couldn't help but shy away from any possibility of pain or betrayal. The snake man had taught her a lot, despite the circumstances.

To distract herself from her thoughts, she scratches the back of her head and then nervously says, "Konoha is pretty big... yeah? It's good to know there is someone I can count on! A friendly face."

The smile he wears in reply is... not as friendly as before. Mechanical? No.. She can't quite tell, but it doesn't reach his eyes. For a moment she panicks, wondering if her thoughts showed on her face or if she was being _obvious_ in her lies.

( It reminds her of the snake boy, with his sweet smiles and eyes as cold as a winter's breeze. )

Inoichi's reply is smooth, however. "We are family, however distant, and we take care of family here."

It reminds her of the letter that she had received from the Inocho fellow. We take care of family. It seemed to be their motto. In the back of her mind Sayuri wonders just _how_ they are related, and if they know her mother, but stores it all away for later contemplation. She gives Inoichi and Saiki a small and polite bow and says, "Thank you very much for everything." Then, before either can reply she straightens and looks between them and asks, "Can I look inside before we leave?"

Saiki cocks an eyebrow towards her and says, "Have an interest in flowers?"

Sayuri ducks her head at that and murmurs, "Ma has a garden, but she only lets me weed it."

"Sounds like her." Inoichi cryptically murmurs and opens the glass door. Sayuri sends him a glance, but the conversation continues to move before she can question him about the comment.

"Weeding is important for the health of the garden. It's an crucial task that she had intrusted you with. You should be proud." Saiki says with a faux serious tone. Or at least she _thinks_ that he is faking it, but she can't really tell. She can't get a grasp of his character which makes him difficult to read.

"It's _boring._ " She clarifies as she walks past Inoichi and into the shop. In contrast to her complaints, Sayuri doesn't minded weeding. In all honesty she finds it quite relaxing, especially on nice warm days. The repetitive hard labour proved to be peaceful and calming to her. But, well, she was a child and _whining_ was what children to do. So what if she enjoyed it a little? It wasn't exactly something that the Yamanaka needed to be privy to, anyhow.

As soon as she enters the shop she is blown away by just how many different kind of flowers there are. "Wow." Is all she says before she starts looking around the modestly sized, yet jam-packed store.

"Inoichi, you're back." The woman at the cashier's desk says pleasantly, "How was the trip?"

"Successful, if you can tell." His voice sounds dry, but Sayuri doesn't pay much attention as she kneels in front of a cactus. A _cactus_. Here, in Konoha. Amazing.

"Very successful." Sayuri absently agrees, raising a finger to poke one of the cactus' spikes. To the side of the spiky plant there is a table of small, cute little cacti and succulents. They are absolutely adorable and Sayuri wouldn't mind taking some home with her if she had the spare change. Unfortunately, she could not afford to splurge her money on cute plants. Maybe later, after saving some of her money, she would give in and purchase one. She misses a large portion of the Yamanaka's conversation as she coos over the cacti, and eventually the hanging plants in the back. The aloe vera plants are also quite adorable, not to mention useful, and she adds them to her mental list of things to buy when she has the chance.

But she is drawn back to the front when she hears the woman at the cashier's desk flatly say, "Orphanage."

Sayuri creeps her way back to the front of the shop and innocently eyes the three adults. Koino was no where to be found, and Inoichi and the woman behind the desk are in what would appear to be a stare off. She assumes they are talking about her, and wonders what the commotion is about.

Inoichi patiently replies with, "Everything is already arranged."

"Oh really?" She replies, giving him a _look_.

Sayuri sneaks a glance at Saiki, who looks like he'd rather be elsewhere. He catches her eyes and raises his eyebrows at her in a conspiring way, before looking back at the other Yamanaka's. She's certain that there is a silent conversation going on between them, and the fact that she is actually picking up on it leads her to believe that it is intentional. Most likely on the woman's part.

"Yes." Inoichi responds, body language casual and utterly unaffected. "Really."

"I thought we had spoken about this, Inoichi."

The man gives a small smile, "We did."

There is a long stare down before the woman turns to Sayuri, kind smile lighting up her face. "Hello, sweetie. I'm Inoichi's wife, Mizuru. It's nice to meet you."

Well, that explains something in their conversation. She isn't sure what the context of their spat is, but her parents have had arguments similar to the one she has just witnessed. High tension and attempts at keeping it on the down low so the children don't realize that something is going on. Unfortunately for Inoichi, his wife didn't seem to care much about the secrecy. She figures that Inoichi is a reserved man.

Sayuri blasts a large smile in response and greets her back. "Hi! I'm Sayuri! You have some nice cacti!"

Mizuru laughs lightly, "Thank you. Some were grown here, in our green house. Others were imported from Suna."

Sayuri makes a quiet "ooo" sound, impressed and interested. She's never been to Suna before, but maybe she'll have to add that to her list of places to go to; especially if they have cacti as cute as the ones in the shop.

Then the woman stares at her in thought before she exits from behind the counter. "Follow me." She doesn't give Sayuri much of a choice to consider otherwise, as the woman walks away from her. Sayuri sends a confused glance to the two men in the room, expecting some sort of explanation. Evidently, there is none. Inoichi's gives no response and Saiki just looks vaguely amused.

As told, she follows the woman to the wall of flowers and watches curiously as Mizuru plucks a flower from one of the bins.

"Sayuri." She murmurs, more to herself than anything. Mizuru then kneels in front of Sayuri so they are about the same height. It feels very intimate and she feels the need to step back, but that could also be interpreted as rude, so she refrains from doing so. "Did you know that your name means 'small lily'?"

Honestly she'd never really thought much about her name and it's meaning. She knew that it was named after the lily, but other than that she had never felt the need to ask for an explanation for it. Sayuri gives a nonchalant shrug, not really caring.

Mizuru gives her a smile, "It is also the name of the orange lily."

Sayuri doesn't see how any of this is relevant to anything. She chalks it down as ninja and their cryptic ways. "My mom likes flowers." She says as an explanation.

"I don't doubt it." She says softly. After a moment Mizuru hands the white flower to Sayuri with a smile. "A lily for a lily."

"Not an orange one?" Sayuri asks, before realizing how rude that could be taken and is quick to say, "But! Um! Thanks!" and delicately holds the flower close to her chest.

"Maybe later. Let's see how things go first." The comment itself is cryptic, of course, like _always_ , but Mizuru is quick to change the conversation. "You know, Inoichi and I have a little girl like you too. She's a bit younger than you, however."

"Ohh?" Sayuri intones, before lifting a hand to frame her face and obnoxiously says, "Is she as cute as me too?"

"Cuter" Mizuru says with a wink, before casually sliding in. "I think you two would get along."

Sayuri doubts it, she's not really a child anymore, but says, "If she is anything like you then I'm sure I would!"

Mizuru laughs, and looks over to Inochi and Saiki. "A real charmer you picked up."

"Indeed." Is all Inoichi says, sounding a bit amused. Saiki laughs as well, and mutters something into Inoichi's ear. She's not sure what he said, and she worries for a moment before her attention is diverted to Mizuru once more.

The woman looks back at Sayuri, features soft. "You don't have to go to the orphanage, if you want. I've spoken to Inoichi about it, and we would gladly take you in until you have everything settled. Ino would love to have another girl around." She then gives a quick wink and a pointed glance to Inoichi.

Sayuri stares for a moment, taking in the offer and thinking about it. Obviously Mizuru and Inoichi weren't on the same page about this, if their previous discussion had anything to say. While friendly, Inoichi seemed more than okay with Sayuri going to the orphanage, whereas Mizuru had a different idea all together. She wonders about their separate motives, and how many times they have spoken about this. It's odd to think that they have spoken about _her_ , and she can feel a quiet paranoia setting in. Regardless, she knows what her choice will be.

( In her mind, she doesn't really have a choice. )

"No, no, it's fine! I don't wanna be a bother, I'll be okay at the orphanage. It's just until I get accepted into the academy, right?" Sayuri beams, attempting to project sunshine and the cute essence of puppies.

Ninja could not be trusted. This is something she _knows_ now. She had been naive in her previous loops, had faith in those who had malicious intentions despite all the signs indicating that she should do otherwise. Sayuri would not make the same mistakes again, she would not fall victim to the ninja's cunning and wile any longer. Mizuru looked innocent and kind, but so had the snake boy. Behind every smile there is a motive, she is certain of this. Accepting the offer would allow the Yamanaka's to have surveillance over her. She would allow them the chance to do to her the same that the snake man had done. She couldn't do it. She couldn't allow it. At least at the orphanage she would be one of a dozen, easy to blend in and somewhat independent until she could live on her own.

Mizuru's expression doesn't change, she merely says "If that is what you desire." The Yamanaka stands up from her kneeling position and adds, "If you ever need anything, Inoichi and I will be glad to help."

"Thank you!" Sayuri chirps, once again doubting that she will reach out to them. "I will keep that in mind."

From the sidelines, Saiki claps and drawls, "Well, kiddo, now sounds like a good enough time as any to leave. Let's go."

Sayuri gives the Yamanaka's her farewells, and leaves shortly after. She feels like she has failed some sort of test, and steels herself and her resolve. Sayuri had made the right choice. she knows it. Or perhaps it is closer to say that she refuses to think otherwise.

.

.

.

 _The next few weeks will likely be busy_ , Inoichi had told her on the walk to Konoha.

That had been an understatement.

After arriving in Konoha and settling in at the orphanage she had taken an aptitude test to see if she was eligible to join their Ninja Academy. The tests themselves were fairly basic and covered both academic and physical proficiencies. The students were expected to be able to read and write at a fundamental level, which Sayuri gladly knew. Unfortunately, she had gone into the tests believing that she would have an edge due to her multiple lives.. Only to remember that she knew very little about ninja. Luckily, the academic test itself wasn't too difficult and after a few days she had been notified that she had passed the qualifications.

Once accepted she had taken a medical exam, which had been stressful for a variety of reasons. Her fear of the snake man had, apparently, leaked into a fear of doctors, hospitals, and anything concerning glowing hands. The doctor had been patient with her, thankfully, but she still stressed out during the entire appointment. Sayuri was terrified over what the doctor might find on her. In her.

However, despite her worries, the appointment was basic. She didn't even have to strip her clothes for a body search. As such, the medical nin had not found "anything out of the ordinary" and had stamped her file with a passing grade.

( A curious thing to find out, considering that Sayuri knew for a fact that her body was not ordinary or typical. The snake man had done something to her- changed her in a way that was everything but ordinary. What of the symbols that had been marked and glowed upon her body? The scars that were left on her skin? Yet she couldn't say that; she couldn't disclose the fact that _she went back in time_ every time she died. It would be suicide. Who knew what the ninja would do to her if they found out? Would they react the same as the snake man? Tie her to a chair and experiment on her until she took her own life? Sayuri had made it this far, and she wasn't going to throw her chances away just like that. )

Declared healthy, she was officially accepted into the academy.

Additionally, upon acceptance students without families or caretakers have the option of applying for welfare program. While not a lot of details had been disclosed about it when first mentioned, Inoichi had mentioned that the village made sure to take care of their future ninja.

Sayuri was quick to apply to the program.

The orphanage that she was left at was relatively okay, however she shared a room with three other girls. The food was less than ideal and it was always buzzing with activity. Every night she checked under her mattress for bugs, and was vigilant with making sure her hair was tied up and free of any critters that might want to find home on her scalp. All in all she had been in worse housing situations. Nothing can compare to the dingy prison cell she had spent so many years suffering in, so she doesn't complain about it.

But she was _more than ready_ to leave and live on her own.

It takes a couple weeks, but right before the academy starts she finds herself moving into an apartment building about ten minutes from her school. It's an ideal location, close to the school and the marketplace. The building itself looks like it would fall over if you sneezed at it, but her room is decently sized and it's _all hers_.. Sayuri could not be any happier. The day after she gets her new apartment, Sayuri takes a much needed trip to the marketplace. Along with buying food for the next few weeks, her allowance from the village was just enough to cover her school supplies and an outfit.

.

.

.

On the day of her entrance ceremony Sayuri is up and awake by sunrise. Old habits die hard, and the blessing that is farm life is that she finds herself awake by the time the sun starts peaking out of the horizon. To waste time she goes through the daily motions of making breakfast, making a lunch, doing her vague training regimen consisting of pushups and zigzags, then showering. When she is ready to leave she is dressed in a simple black t-shirt and pants she had found on sale, her hair brushed, and bag all packed and slung over her shoulder.

Finally, Sayuri is ready to start her ninja carrier.

* * *

 **wow look who is finally updating...**

 **holy fuck i'm so sorry this is so late. i cannot express how apologetic i am, life got really busy but regardless there is no excuses that can make up for this. so here is a chapter. it's rough, and my writing style is all over the place, but i hope to get back into the flow as i write the next few chapters. i was hoping to get more into this chapter, but i wanted to get it out asap and figured 3k was enough so. next chapter will likely have _a lot_ of time skips so watch out for that.**

 **once again, there is a lot of stuff going around in the background and once again sayuri is making dumb decisions, but that will be a reoccurring thing lol.**

 **thank you all for your patience!**

 **[date: 2O17/O9/O1] [word count: 3376]**


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